Fostering to Adopt: Writer & Director Sean Anders Shares His Story That Inspired His Latest Film Instant Family
His films range from Horrible Bosses to Daddy’s Home but his latest movie Instant Family is the only one inspired by his real life. Writer/Director Sean Anders based the film on his personal experience fostering and then adopting his children. We caught up with this father of three to discuss just that, as well as learning curves, Mark Wahlberg and comedy with a lot more on its mind.
Family Entourage You wrote and directed Instant Family and it’s inspired by your own family. Share a little bit about the similarities.
Sean Anders: My wife and I were trying to decide whether we were going to have kids and for the longest time we felt that we couldn’t afford it. And then when I started to do better financially we had this conversation and I said, “Now I feel like I’m going to be one of those old Dads so why don’t I just adopt a five-year-old and then it’ll be like I started 5 years ago.” And I was totally just making a joke (laughter). I didn’t mean it. My wife thought it was an interesting idea and sparked a conversation and it led us to a website, and to an orientation just like it happens in the movie. The movie itself is inspired by our story – we did adopt three siblings out of the foster care system – but it’s also inspired by a number of other stories of families that I met along the way.
FE: You had joked about adopting a five-year-old but in reality, you took three kids into your home, siblings: 18-month-old, three-years-old and six-years-old. Quite the learning curve. What has been the most surprising?
SA: I didn’t quite realize, and this is touched on in the movie, I thought that after all of the classes and all of the preparation that when we met our kids there would be this big moment of, wow these are our kids, and there would be this cosmic connection and there was not, at all. It really just felt like, oh these fearsome kids that are total strangers and this is weird. I think that I didn’t realize that there was going to be this whole period of getting to know our kids and falling in love with our kids and that was going to take time and that was going to be really hard and that there was going to be so much awkwardness and chaos. Fortunately, that awkwardness and chaos lends itself pretty well to comedy (laughter).
Director Sean Anders and Mark Wahlberg on the set of Instant Family from Paramount Pictures.
FE: You did eventually adopt your children and they’ve been with you for six years. From your experience, what do you want families to know about fostering and/or adoption?
SA: There were two things. One was more of a nuts and bolts thing, I just wanted people to know how this works if you go down that road because when I went down that road it was all news to me. I had no idea how any of it worked. So there was that part of it, but then the other part was that people have so much fear and trepidation when they hear the words “foster care”. It just creates feelings of discomfort and pity when the reality is the kids that are in the system, yes they’re in there and that’s a tragedy, but these are still just kids and just like any other kids they need families and they need love and they have love to give and they really are remarkably like any other kids and that’s also mentioned in the movie.
FE: You made Daddy’s Home and Daddy’s Home 2 with Mark Wahlberg, teaming again with him for Instant Family, what do the two of you as dads talk about?
SA: Well, we’ve talked about a number of things that were involved in the scenes. While we were making the movie, Mark had a teenage daughter who was exactly the same age as Lizzy is in the movie. So he has all of those sort of difficult and wonderful experiences with being a father of a, of a teen girl, while at the same time being a father to some younger kids, as well. Mark really had more experience with the specific ages than I had. Mark became his own, kind of, consultant on the movie.
FE: Great chemistry and comedic timing with this whole cast. Wahlberg and on-screen wife Rose Byrne, Octavia Spencer with social worker counterpart Tig Natora, and of course the children… how do you know when an ensemble will work?
SA: Well, unfortunately, you never know. (laughter) I think what you do is you know that it works on paper. We knew that Mark Wahlberg can be really, really funny, but he can also really dig into the drama and that side of it. And, Rose, same thing, we’ve seen her do a variety of different things. She and Mark are very similar in that way that they’re not afraid to really tackle any genre. So, you knew that you had that going for you, but you don’t know how they’re going to be when you put them together. It was really interesting, within a few minutes into their first scene together, the crew were starting to whisper and chatter about how good they were together and what great chemistry they had. And, we just, I mean I’m not going to lie to you, we just got incredible luck. I thought that Octavia and Tig were a really funny and interesting pair, but I had no idea that they were going to have the magic that they had. And then, Margo Martindale and Julie Hagerty as the Grandmothers – it’s really funny because they only have a couple of moments together in the movie, but I think by the end of the movie you feel like they were a pair as well because they are so fantastic as the Grandmas.
(l to r) Octavia Spencer, Rose Byrne, Tig Notaro and Mark Wahlberg in Instant Family from Paramount Pictures.
FE: There is a letter in the film – and we don’t want to give anything away – but what you did so beautifully was show the importance of reinforcing to kids that they are wanted and that they are still lovable?
SA: If your kids are coming in from the system then these are kids that have suffered some real grieving, loss and rejection. They have been let down by either some, or all, of the adults that have been in their life. So when you come in and say, “Hey guess what? We are your family. We’re going to love you now!” They don’t buy it and nor should they (Laughter). Because what evidence do they have that you’re going to be any different than anybody else? So, really the first thing that they’re going to do, and they don’t do it on purpose, is that they will test you. I think it’s like if a salesman comes to you and makes some big claim. Your first reaction to it is to push back and say, this is too good to be true and I’m not stupid. And, I think that’s how the kids feel. So the parents really don’t have any choice but to do everything they can to show and to prove that they are there for the long haul and that when the kids push back against them, they hang in there with them and just let them know they are not like the others [that disappointed]. I’m not going to go away just because you’re giving me a hard time. I’m in it to win it with you.
FE: Your past few films have skewed very funny, with heart, and definitely family films… is this creatively mirroring where you are at personally? Will you continue this theme or seeking something different?
SA: Well it’s always kind of in that write-what-you-know category. The Daddy’s Home movies came into my world shortly after I became a dad. I related to those stories because I was not the biological father to my kids [having adopted] the same way that Will isn’t in the Daddy’s Home movies. This film is probably the most specific to my own life that I’ll ever get a chance to do. So that was a really wonderful experience and I would say that going forward, family, parenting, kids, and that kind of stuff will likely be elements in everything that I do. It’s just a big part of my life now. Instant Family turns a corner where it’s a comedy, but it’s a comedy with a lot more on its mind, more meat on the bone. And that was really fun to work on something that just felt a little bit more, like it had a little bit more to say and I’m definitely interested in moving more in that direction as well.
Instant Family opens November 16.
Director Sean Anders, Gustavo Quiroz and Julianna Gamiz on the set of Instant Family from Paramount Pictures.
